O viziune spirituală asupra relațiilor
Îi aparține lui Neale Donald Walsch și tocmai am dat peste ea în cartea The Holy Experience, care poate fi descărcată gratuit de pe site-ul oficial al acestui domn. Desigur, există o abordare chiar mai vastă a acestei teme în Conversations with God, dar acest pasaj oarecum mai succint mă invită practic să-l împărtășesc cu voi (de altfel recomand toată cartea).
Everyone has a significant other—whether they are in an intimate, romantic relationship or not. Of course, the term “significant other” does not refer only to a person with whom you sleep. It refers to any being with whom you share the largest portion of your life. That could be a sister or brother, a parent, a child, a close friend.
When discussing the Holy Experience and yourself, I said: “Always, with your choices, you are answering a single question: Who am I? Every act is an act of self-definition. When you embrace the implications of that sentence utterly, you begin the process of the Holy Experience with your Self.”
Now I am going to say the same thing, only as it pertains to your significant other. Always, with your choices, you are answering a single question: Who is this other? Every act involving another is an act of definition of the other. When you embrace the implications of that sentence utterly, you begin the process of the Holy Experience with your significant other.
Everyone is who you say they are. If you say they are your best friend, they are. If you say they are your enemy, they are. If you say they are your most trusted companion, they are. That is because you are the one doing the deciding.
Other people tend to show up in our lives exactly as we think that they will. Even if they don’t in their world, in our world they do. This is another way of saying that if you have a definite thought about someone, it almost does not matter what they do. You will still think of them in the way that you do.
Have you ever noticed how two people can have nearly polar-opposite experiences of the same third party One person says that the third person is wonderful, while the other says that the third person is horrible. Both are right, for both have created their experience of that third person in their reality. It doesn’t matter what that third person does. In fact, that third person can do the exact same thing to both of the others, and one of the others will think it’s wonderful while the second will think it’s horrible. I’ve actually seen this happen!
I saw a person bid $10,000 once at a local charity auction, and two people with whom I am acquainted saw it in entirely different ways. The first thought it was wonderful and incredibly generous; a typical gesture of a very kind and open-hearted man. The second thought it was show-offy and incredibly gauche; a typical “over the top” gesture by an ego maniacal power grabber and attention-getter.
Osama bin Laden was thought of in one way by millions, and in the exact opposite way by millions of others. Our experience of our significant others depends more than we will ever know on our own thought about them.
The Holy Experience is an act of creation. That sentence is important enough to repeat. The Holy Experience is an act of creation. It is not something you step into. It is something you step out of. It is where you come from as you encounter any other person.
Love is not a reaction, it is a decision. I’ll never forget the first time I heard that wisdom. I think it was in The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I was knocked out by it. Wow, I thought, what a revelation. True love, real love, is not a reaction, it is a decision.
Your relationship with your significant other will be exactly what you make of it. When you understand this, you will understand the Holy Experience of love. Love means seeing another as Who They Are even when they are not acting like it.
This is what God does with us.
This is what we very often fail to do with each other.
A childhood barb; an adult magic
When I was a boy I remember a schoolhouse bully who used to bump into me whenever we passed in the hall. If I had any kind of reaction at all he would turn around and come at me, taunting, “You wanna make something of it?”
As I grew older I realized that there was a great deal to learn from this childhood interaction. It was I who was making something of it; of everything, really.
I am now very clear that this is what we do with our significant other. We “make something of” that person, and what we make of them is how we experience them.
To a large degree, this is true. Certainly, there are some things that the other person is doing, too, to create themselves, and we are co-creating our relationship together. That is what is “so.” But it is undeniable that my own idea about my significant other and of what she is doing is, well…significant.
I have turned a childhood barb into adult magic. In my significant relationship, it is what I “make of it” that it is most likely to become.
Now what we have to guard against is making that other person more perfect and more idealized than they could ever hope to be. This kind of “projection” can create an image that is very difficult for our significant other to live up to. So we have to be balanced in our view of the other. We have to create the space for them to be human. It will do no good at all for us to put them on a pedestal.
Yet we can put them in a place of high regard. And we can choose to see them as blessed beings, who bless us by being in our life.
The Self and the Other become one
The most powerful thing we can do when we form a romantic relationship with a significant other is to see them as ourselves. “And the two shall become one.” This is the essence of the Holy Experience.
The Holy Experience as it relates to your significant other is the forgetting of the Single Self through the enfolding of that Other into the Self as a part of the Self, as one with the Self, and identical to the Self. It is when there is no place where the Self ends and the Other begins. When there is absolutely no experience of separation, real or imagined.
In day-to-day relationship with your significant other, when something—anything—happens, you give that happening meaning. Just as you give everything in your life meaning. What meaning you give the events in your relationship depends on whether you are coming from your Past or your Present.
As I have made clear now several times, most people come from their Past. In fact, most people find it impossible not to. They make their decisions about what is going on in this moment in their relationship based on their prior thought. Masters, on the other hand, make their decisions based on their future intention.
Memory or intention. That is the choice. Always. When you come from your memory, you create one kind of experience of relationship with your significant other. When you come from your intention, you create another kind of experience altogether.
This coming from intention rather than from memory is the adult magic that can make all your relationship dreams come true. It is the shift from reaction to creation that makes all relationships feel brand new. Just as you can recreate your self anew in every golden moment of now in the next grandest version of the greatest vision ever you held about Who You Are, so, too, can you recreate your relationship anew. And if the person with whom you are in relationship truly is your significant other, this is what you will want to do in every golden moment of now.
Neale ar spune acum că știți foarte bine de ce ați primit azi acest mesaj din textul de mai sus, intrând pe blogul meu. Anume că aveați nevoie de el (mai ales dacă ați avut răbdare să parcurgeți tot textul). Îmi doresc să vă fie de folos. Apropo, eu mereu vin din memorie și niciodată din intenție, voi? Dar asta tocmai se schimbă.